"Change your life in just three days...tune in tomorrow."
"Get rid of your wrinkles with this miracle household cleaning product...tune in today at 4:00"
"Learn these five secrets to maintaining a healthy urinary tract...next week on Dr. Oz."
"Trim 400 pound of useless fat in just 6 weeks...today at 4:00." (This show was actually about dumping your old man...just kidding...but it would have made more sense!)
And on and on and on. You would think that if only one or two of his cure-alls were as easy as he claims they are, we'd all be amazingly svelte, gorgeous looking and live forever.
I am sure he's a real doctor and all that, but I hate the way he makes everything sound so easy, so fool proof. Did you tune in where he had all the poops up on the big screen, going on and on about what our excretions should look like? The colors on the monitor were right off the basic color wheel - brown, green, white and black. If I ever eliminated anything that even remotely resembled any of those colors, I'd be at Kaiser in a flash. I mean, really...what does he mean by "green"? Are we talking olive, puce, avocado or spring green? How black is black? You never seem to get enough information to do you any good - only enough to potentially scare the crap (literally) out of you. Personally, I prefer the Saturday Night Live rendition of the show.
But I digress. The hubby and I did tune in for the "belly busting" show last week, muffin tops languishing in our recliners. According to the good Doctor "if you just eat this simple breakfast everyday for five days (are you kidding me?) and take this supplement, then....." Of course he never tells you what will happen or promises any results, but he wanted the lady on the show with the muffin top to commit to the 5 day regimen. Five days? Really? But I'm thinking, 'don't be such a cynic, Laurel, give it a try'.
So, here it is...the belly busting breakfast. By the way, I've been eating this breakfast for several years now, and my stomach remains larger than my skinny jeans will tolerate. His secret must be in the capsules?
You have to admit though, the combination is utterly delightful looking and very tasty. But I had Dr. Oz's breakfast in Croatia before I ever knew it was his, and it's been my favorite way to start the day for several years. It must be the capsules.
So the proof is in the pudding. This, my friends, is my 'before' picture. In five days, I will take another pic, same shirt, same jeans.
Somehow I doubt it will be much different. The good Doctor did not mention that you probably need to starve yourself for the rest of the day, or take three of those horse pills a day, or walk three miles a day, or drink 3 quarts of water each day, or add a "gentle cleansing laxative" to your diet. Maybe, just maybe, you may be able to zip these jeans in five days.
Laurel. Eat your eggs!