Diagnosis: Acute Idiopathic Bloggeria

I awoke this morning after another restless leg night, tired and irritable. I brewed a cup of strong coffee to face the nemesis of my frequent bouts of sleep deprivation these days...this computer...this blog thing. I must be truthful: I think my blog is sick. I arrived at this conclusion at about 2:30 a.m. when visions of off-white things would not give way to much needed rest.  My brain was high-centered on Artful Blogging overload. I am officially OCD and need help.

I found a Blogger MD listed on the Help for Neurological Disorders page on the Internet, once again proving how dire my computer addiction has become of late. He was a odd looking old man whose beside manner equaled that of the late Sam Kinison..a screamer of sorts.

"I read your blog," he screamed. He reached into the drawer and pulled out an extra large blogoscope about the size of a Louisville Slugger, a ghoulish smile creeping out.  Oh God, he's actually Dennis Wolfberg! He got right to the point.

"It kinda sucks," waving the blogoscope near my left ear.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked incredulously. I didn't think it was that bad. Schizoid, maybe, but definitely not sucky.

"Well, it has no point," he screeched.  "It's totally random. You jump all over the place. One day you're totally sarcastic (that post about bra-shopping ) and irreverent, the next minute you're all schmaltzy (Traveling with God? what's up with that?) and dare I mention that you don't even have any shabby chic photos of roses or picket fences. And nobody follows you...what do you have...maybe six people who read it??"

"But that's not the point, Dr.__," I paused, forgetting the old geezer's last name.

"That's the way I am," I burst out. "I have too many hobbies that I love, too many projects to start, too many thoughts I need to express, too many...my head is too full, spinning all the time. And yes, I can be irreverent occasionally...what wrong with a little humor now and then!" He was starting to get on my nerves and I started doing the same thing I always do when dealing with rejection...get defensive.

"I can do shabby-chic if that's what it's all about...I can do pretty." I wiped away a slowly growing cache of snot accumulating on my upper lip.

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. His face softened.

"Sweetie, there has to be a reason WHY you have a blog. Everybody knows that."

I considered that bit of wisdom for a minute...before I got mad.

"Well, Dr. whatever your name is, I blog for the same reason everyone else does.  They have things to say and they want someone to listen. It's a simple concept!"

I can't believe I actually paid for this appointment with my Pay Pal account. My followers would be outraged.

"And, Dr. Bozo, I can do pretty," I repeated, as I waltzed toward the door.  "Sometimes I just don't want to."

And there ya have it... Happy Blogging!

Laurel

I selected this post to be featured on http://www.writing-blogs.com" target="_blank">Writing Blogs. Please visit the site and vote for my blog!