Friday, February 24, 2012

Diagnosis: Acute Idiopathic Bloggeria

I awoke this morning after another restless leg night, tired and irritable. I brewed a cup of strong coffee to face the nemesis of my frequent bouts of sleep deprivation these days...this computer...this blog thing. I must be truthful: I think my blog is sick. I arrived at this conclusion at about 2:30 a.m. when visions of off-white things would not give way to much needed rest.  My brain was high-centered on Artful Blogging overload. I am officially OCD and need help.

I found a Blogger MD listed on the Help for Neurological Disorders page on the Internet, once again proving how dire my computer addiction has become of late. He was a odd looking old man whose beside manner equaled that of the late Sam Kinison..a screamer of sorts.

"I read your blog," he screamed. He reached into the drawer and pulled out an extra large blogoscope about the size of a Louisville Slugger, a ghoulish smile creeping out.  Oh God, he's actually Dennis Wolfberg! He got right to the point.

"It kinda sucks," waving the blogoscope near my left ear.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked incredulously. I didn't think it was that bad. Schizoid, maybe, but definitely not sucky.

"Well, it has no point," he screeched.  "It's totally random. You jump all over the place. One day you're totally sarcastic (that post about bra-shopping ) and irreverent, the next minute you're all schmaltzy (Traveling with God? what's up with that?) and dare I mention that you don't even have any shabby chic photos of roses or picket fences. And nobody follows you...what do you have...maybe six people who read it??"

"But that's not the point, Dr.__," I paused, forgetting the old geezer's last name.

"That's the way I am," I burst out. "I have too many hobbies that I love, too many projects to start, too many thoughts I need to express, too many...my head is too full, spinning all the time. And yes, I can be irreverent occasionally...what wrong with a little humor now and then!" He was starting to get on my nerves and I started doing the same thing I always do when dealing with rejection...get defensive.

"I can do shabby-chic if that's what it's all about...I can do pretty." I wiped away a slowly growing cache of snot accumulating on my upper lip.

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. His face softened.

"Sweetie, there has to be a reason WHY you have a blog. Everybody knows that."

I considered that bit of wisdom for a minute...before I got mad.

"Well, Dr. whatever your name is, I blog for the same reason everyone else does.  They have things to say and they want someone to listen. It's a simple concept!"

I can't believe I actually paid for this appointment with my Pay Pal account. My followers would be outraged.

"And, Dr. Bozo, I can do pretty," I repeated, as I waltzed toward the door.  "Sometimes I just don't want to."


And there ya have it... Happy Blogging!
Laurel

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10 comments:

  1. Laurel, you crack me up. Even though I don't "subscribe" to your blog, I read it every time you post a status update on Facebook. I love it!
    ~ Amanda

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  2. You have made my day! This was so funny, but you didn't say that when you get up in the middle of the night, because you can't sleep you check your blog before you put the kettle on!! LOL I intend to pop back to read some more.
    Thank you for the giggle

    Chris

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  3. Thank you Amanda. So good to hear from YOu!!!!

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  4. Thank you Chris for your kind words! and you're a follower!!! WOW!! I'll drop by your blog. I also cross stitch...just haven't sone it in a while:) Laurel

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  5. I understand you and I'm not a blog M.D. So I've decided to follow along. I like to laugh. I found you on BPOTW. Hope you will check me out and decided to follow.

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  6. Charlotte, Thanks for following me. I love to laugh to, but I do have an introspective side too, so those posts are special to me too. But if you want a gut laugh, read my post about the dress form that this couple ordered off the internet..I copied it into my blog some time ago, but every once in a while when I need to LMAO, I re-read it. See what I wrote on your "garage beast" post. Very cute post, and count me in! Thanks again!, Laurel

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  7. "Sometimes I just don't want to."

    Glad to hear that! - this is more fun!


    KalpanaS @
    http://nowritehere.blogspot.com/2011/04/indianapolis.html

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  8. @KalpanaS, I totally agree. Thanks for visiting:)

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  9. Laurel:

    I just found your blog on Best Posts of the Week and I really like your combination of humor and spirituality. I hope you'll visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox. If you visit and press the join button I'll return te favor. Hope you're having a great weekend.

    CC

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  10. Thank you Mr. Chatterbox...God likes belly laughing too:) I'll go check out your blog! Thanks again. Laurel.

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Thanks for visiting my blog. I appreciate all those who share and leave their comments very much. Laurel

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