Top Ten Reasons for Insomnia

I'm not sure why I don't use sleep aids, but it may have something to do with the morning after effects. Ever try to get on an escalator at Macy's with an Ambien hangover? But I didn't sleep again last night. Okay maybe I got a couple of hours, but clearly, not enough to last all day on a bus, then all night partying with friends.
Why don't women sleep, or am I the only one? I have a number of friends who are sleep deprived and after some research I have extracted some valuable reasons as to the major factors causing insomnia in women:
1) You haven't shaved your legs in three days. Those prickly little stubbles get caught in your pajama legs causing an irritating, annoying sensation like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.
2) You ate a huge chocolate chip cookie before bed. That big chewy choco chip delight is the same one that gives you the migraine headache, so why would you not think it might keep you awake as well?
3) You are worried about tomorrow's colonoscopy, because you didn't drink the entire gallon of that "gentle" cleansing agent with the "pleasant" taste.
4) You are excited about your vacation and want to be sure you wake up in time to shave your legs.
5) You decided to paint your fingernails at 9:45 and they are still not totally dry at your usual bedtime of 10:00, so you need to keep your hands out from underneath the covers so they don't get muffed.
6) You had a slight marital disagreement with your husband, who is snoring contentedly.
7) You let your cat sleep with you, and she loves to knead your down comforter. And she loves you best, so she is always on your side, and she must be "touching" you at all times while your husband is snoring contentedly.
8) You sweat on your down comforter.....HEL-LO!!!!!
9) You need to figure out what to do with those pretty new red beads...mix it with sterling or gold? wire-wrapped or hand knotted???
10) God created you in HIS image, and HE NEVER SLEEPS....so what are you whining about??

Sleepless in Fair Oaks