Rejected Christmas Letters

I have been writing Christmas letters for over 10 years. The first couple of letters were the typical newsy diatribes detailing our activities over the course of the year, kid's stuff and major events. After yawning through many letters of the same caliber from our friends and family, I decided to take a different tack and insert some humor into our letters. Often times, the humor got a little jaded, as sarcasm and irreverence took over, depending on my mood. I would still communicate snippets from our lives, but you really had to read between the lines to figure out what we did that year.

I have written a few letters that never made it to the mailbox, due perhaps to their unhealthy tone, or pure uninspiring drivel...I can't be funny all the time. And sometimes, though I thought I had created "genius", Dave hated it, so it was trashed in favor of a more inspirational message. My favorite rejected Christmas letter of all time is a Trio of Christmas Letter "Vignettes" that I wrote...pure fantasy with a mere hint of reality. Alas,the Trio Letter was never mailed, but I submit the first in my fictional vignettes today for your reading pleasure.

I. With eager anticipation, she opened the crisp white envelope, embellished with the delicate curves of letters that sweetly formed her name. Years had passed since she last enjoyed the holiday musings of her oldest and dearest friend...letters laced with bittersweet yarns of days gone by and raucous tales of children and grandchildren. Opening the letter, she thought she heard the vacant white linen groan as she carefully pushed by the shimmering foil to the neatly folded paper inside. The note was uncharacteristically short, she mused, lost on a sea of white linen, the customary flowing descriptions noticeably absent. The festive scenes of Christmases gone by...the snow drenched tree providing rest for the lonely red cardinal...all missing. Just a white sheet of paper and a very vanilla "Happy Holidays" carelessly scribbled across the middle of the page. 'It's not even in calligraphy', she whined, unable to hide her disappointment. Her own meager existence was so dull, the spirited stories of her friend's life made her feel like she was part of a great adventure. But this year, like last year, nothing. Happy Holidays. Whoopee. 'I think she used that fancy new computer, for God's sake. Isn't she retired now??? And what's up with the pre-printed name at the bottom?? And it isn't even on 40 lb. paper! She could have at least made something up....what a loser!'