And so I write...

Write about it...it's the only way to sort through the clashing, banging dissident symphony that sometimes is my brain. This brain that God gave us is both a blessing and a curse: a blessing in that we are the only creatures of his creation with the power to think, to reason; a curse, in that we can not shut it down...at least not without great discipline.

Today, my undisciplined brain is concocting..actually re-concocting for the thousandth time, the agony of losing a son. It doesn't take much for this movie to start replaying, even after some 20 odd years. But hearing of another mother's loss, especially in an automobile accident, is a sure trigger and this morning I am devastated for another Mom. And so I write.

I can think of a thousand things to that I would say to my daughter's friend, but time has taught me that these things, this wisdom that I have garnered over two decades is not what a grieving person in the midst of personal agony needs to hear. For years I thought that God gave me some special power to speak to other mothers in their tragedies, but that is not the way He works. He knows there are no words to say. There is no Grief for Dummies to refer...no slick tricks to get through it. And so I write.

Last night I prayed for my daughter who lost her brother years ago as she drove to visit her friend. "It's okay to go do that, isn't it Mom?" Yes, my sweet girl. Go and "weep with those who weep." No words. Your presence is all that's needed. And I will write.

This is where we rail against God.  We shake our fists in the air and ask why. Only through years of sorting through this clashing, banging dissident symphony of thoughts and prayers have I come to understand, as cruel as it sounds, that's life. We are born, we live and in our time, we return to dust. Some quicker than others. Time is your friend, but I can not say that to her.  She doesn't need to hear it.  Nor does she need any preachy Romans 8:28 version of her tragedy, even though it is my own personal Bread of Life.  I KNOW for a fact that God can do it.  She doesn't, and it's okay.

And so I write.  Not to depress my scant readership, but to work it out in my own head. Her grief is my grief. All those Nigerian mothers...isn't their devastation ours as well?  How do we reconcile the horrors of life? Some are calls to action.  Some are just calls to prayer.  Life cannot be lived apart from hope...hope is the one thing that God gave us along with our clanging, banging symphonies of a brain. Without it we are no different from the creepy crawly things of the earth. It's how He set us apart.

Hope is eternal. Love is for today. So if you've a mind to, quiet your clanging banging brain for a moment and pray, thinks good thoughts, whatever it is that you do, for my daughter's friend. Go ahead and be angry on behalf of the Nigerian mothers. Go ahead and rail and shake your fist in the air.  It's okay.

I'll write.

Laurel. Writes.

My "Serve Day" Apron

I love going to a church where serving the community is a top priority.  Every year my church shuts down for the entire weekend - no services at all - and sets out to serve the communities in which we live. On Serve Day, there are over 150 opportunities for men, women and children to give back to their communities, outreach organizations, schools and non-profits by helping in some meaningful way. Thousands of people sign up to join in giving back to the community.

My favorite give-back group is Dress a Girl Around the World. Because I love to sew, I have enjoyed making simple pillowcase dresses for little girls in impoverished countries.  The dresses are made up at monthly sewfests where women like me can spend the day sewing, chatting and laughing. The sewfests are great for teens and youngsters too, as those who can't sew can cut out pockets, iron hems, cut bias tape and elastic or put together kits. Each adorable dress is folded and bagged, with a pair of new panties in the pocket. As missionaries and fellow travelers head for these third world countries, many of them take a suitcase full of new dresses, all lovingly made by hand.

I've made a lot of dresses in the past year so I decided to volunteer to help out on the Dress A Girl Serve Day sewfest.  We are expecting 200 men, women, teenagers and children to come together on May 17th.  If you are participating on any Serve Day project, including the Dress A Girl sewfest, you can pick up a Serve Day T-shirt to wear that day.

So here's the deal: I do not like t-shirts...especially if they are the typical man's cut. But since I am volunteering for this project day, I thought I'd better wear one. As I was standing in line to pick mine up, a great idea popped into my head: You can embellish it somehow! I remembered that our area coordinator Sue had fringed hers at the bottom last year and it was cute. Then it came to me just as I was stepping to the front of the t-shirt line...

"What's the biggest size you have?"

"That would be a XXXLG."

"Okay, I'll take one of those"

It's Dress a Girl, Laurel...make a "pillowcase dress", aka Apron, for yourself. 

1) Cut the top off the t-shirt above the graphic...

2) Cut off the sleeves and turn them into pockets...

3) Add some embellishments to the pockets and casings...

4) Sew that double-fold bias tape on  the armholes just like the girl's dresses.

And Voila!!!! My apron is ready for Serve Day! And by the way, this pattern idea is so easy it would work for anything - a kitchen apron, a swimsuit cover-up, a nightie, or a long sundress.

If you would like to join in on the fun, let me know and I'll get you signed up. Saturday, May 17th! You can come for the morning or afternoon session...or both! You don't have to know how to sew - there are plenty of other tasks to be done to make these little dresses a reality. 

Doesn't every little girl deserve a pretty dress?

Laurel

 

Leopard is the New Neutral

Leopard is the New Neutral by laurel-dismukes featuring Buccellati

Hanging with the Big Dogs (of knitting, that is!)

Last week several of my knitting friends and I took a little road trip to a yarn shop in Petaluma, Knitterly. Among my knitting friends her in Sacramento, Knitterly is considered a Mecca for all things Yarn, and well worth the 100 mile drive across the Valley.  Two of us making the outing were Knitterly newbies and anxious to see what the fuss was all about.

Knitterly is a lovely shop in the old section of Petaluma.  The streets are lined with every manner of restaurant and retail shop, enough to make the trip worthwhile, even if there wasn't a yarn shop. Knitterly is known for its fine yarns and fibers, many of which I have heard my friends rave about and which, I might add, have never seen the bottom of my shopping bag.  Suffice it to say, it's like a candy shop that caters to sugar-holics.

I should back up and explain the level of expertise that comprised my traveling companions: one has never shied away from any pattern or expensive yarn, knitting in the most gorgeous uniform stitches that would make a knitting machine jealous...another friend IS a knitting machine, putting out more sweaters and shawls in a month than the rest of us could knit in a year...another dyes, spins, knits and weaves her own fibers, even spinning raw organic cotton from the plant.  These are not your basic potholder-making queens - these are the Big Dogs.

I don't consider myself a novice knitter, so when one of the group suggested we all choose some Habu yarn to make a shawl together, it seemed like a cool idea.  The shawl sample was absolutely luscious on the mannequin - I wrapped it around my shoulders, dreaming of a Paris evening.

You can do this, Laurel, I reasoned to myself. Though I have never knitted with such a fine yarn, I noted that the pattern was not that complex...just one single page of instructions. The yarn came on a cone, instead of a skein, so right away you feel like you've joined the Big Dogs. I even created a chart in Excel (I am the spreadsheet queen, remember!) so that I could visually "see" the pattern unfold.

And that, my friends, was the end of my usual "I can do anything" mindset. In three short days since I have possessed these cones from hell, I have ripped my work off the needles four (count them!) four times. Like I said, it isn't like the pattern is complicated - basically twelve repeating rows of 182 stitched yarn overs, knit togethers, etc. However, counting (endless counting!) has proven to be my Achilles heel, and this project depends on it. I remember hearing the sales associate from the shop tell one of the Big Dogs to create a lifeline along the way...in CASE you make a mistake.

Lifeline, Schmifeline!

One of my basic rules of life is just DO IT - pick the project you want to do regardless of your skill level and just go for it. Well, consider me humbled, beaten into submission by Habu yarn cones. I woke up in the middle of a scourging nightmare of some dog chasing me last night to a revelation. I figured out why my stitches would not come out correctly. Instead of knitting two together after my yarn overs, I was knitting one. Hel-lo! Doesn't sound like much, but knitters will tell you it's huge.  I got up and set out to fix my error at 4:00 a.m. and was ecstatic that my counting became perfect.

Nirvana...right up until my stitches slipped off the needles, hanging in the air! After 15 minutes of trying to get the lost sheep back in the pen, in a fit of rage I ripped the whole thing back off the needles. By this time, I'm thinking that the Big Dogs will have to go on without me, and my Paris wardrobe will be devoid of a luscious Habu shawl.

But the sun always rises on a new day and armed with a hour of prayer, I wrestled the Habu into submission. I actually USED markers this time (I'm not fond of them, but the Big Dogs claim it's the secret to accurate counting). I also changed needles to help pick up this fine yarn. And I took my time. Sitting in the morning sun, I finally got past Row 5.

My shawl is going to rock and I am David defeating Goliath! I am Neil Armstrong walking on the moon! I am ready for battle and the Arc de Triomphe awaits my victorious entry!

Today, I AM A BIG DOG!

 

 

Laurel. Yeah right...talk to me in another day, grasshopper.

Identity understood

 Magpie Tales

Mag 214

 

photo by Kelsey Hannah

I am the Beloved

Complex and thoughtful

Creative and obsessive

Lover of beauty, lover of God

Compassionate and selfish

Shackled and free

Fragile and strong

Dreamer

Dust

Please check in on other musings at Magpie Tales

Laurel. Grateful.

"Wear Something Frenchy"

I am absolutely obsessed thinking about my travel wardrobe to Europe.  Even though we will be spending more time driving around the French countryside, I can't stop thinking about Paris! We have visited the "City of Romance" once before and what I noted is that the French women strolling on the streets never look tacky, sloppy or un-put-together. Paris fashion is iconic, even the street style. And I want to be a part of that scene!

Meanwhile, my friend Peg invited us to join them at a restaurant featuring all things Parisian, as she knows I'm obsessed.  I'm not sure what that will entail besides some great wine, but I'm all over it.

"Wear something Frenchy", she texted.

Okie dokie. Rev up the Pinterest and Polyvore, Laurel. 

I've already made some very chic black linen cigarette slacks out of the fabric I picked up at Stonemountain & Daughter Fabrics last month.  I love the weight of this particular linen and I know it will be so versatile for our trip.  All I need is some kind of white top (lace???)...already own the leopard print sweater...and those pointy toed heels...

Is that Frenchy enough, Peg??

My Polyvore set - "Wear Something Frenchy" 2014

Laurel. How many more days????

Art Addiction...

I never really thought of myself as having an addictive personality. In the past, I associated that trait with the lesser accepted addictions such as alcohol and drugs.  We tend to poo-poo these souls as weak, pathetic and out of control, when we ourselves have recurring behaviors than infiltrate our minds and bodies to the point of "addiction". Forget the endless list of minor disorders, tiny hang-ups and slight societal ills, is there such a thing as a "good" addiction? Is it socially okay to be obsessed with something?

My name is Laurel, and I am addicted to Polyvore. I started out with just a desire to find some cool fashions to  re-create on my sewing machine. I would just spend a few minutes perusing the items and picking a few things to add to my wish list. I wasn't spending any actual money, so how could it be harmful? Before long, I discovered the joy of the drag and drop lifestyle, and I became hooked. I could pull in artistic elements - backgrounds, florals, smudges, flourishes, etc. - making my fashion choices look even more trendy and cool. People "Liked" my sets and I started getting followers. I found myself scouring the web - Pinterest, Tumblr, everywhere - to find new elements for my sets.  My simple sets morphed into tiny works of art that had nothing to do with fashion at all. I confess that I have burned dinner once too often because I slipped back into the computer to work on a set and time got away with me, out of control, dragging and dropping the hours away. I am a Polyvore addict...I'm not proud of it, but at least I admit it.

They say that admitting your "problem" is the first step. But I say, there's another way to look at this. All of the great artists were obsessed with their creations, driven to leave a piece of themselves on a canvas or on a pile of clay or in the photography darkroom. To re-create the musings of our minds in some tangible medium is a gut-level reaction to the world around us. Whether we wile away the hours with "acceptable" hobbies like knitting, beading, teaching, cooking or gardening, there is a tortured artist in us all to some degree. The need to express ourselves is guttural reaction to life.

Don't bother trying to read anything into my art. I don't consider myself to be tortured, as in the artistic vein of a Toulouse-Lautrec,  Truman Capote, Johnny Cash or Vincent VanGogh, but I will be bound forever to create beauty in some way. It is part of me, the way God created me. So burned green beans withstanding, I will keep on dragging and dropping in Polyvore...at least until I grow tired of it. All artist are highly susceptible to boredom, you know.

Lost 2, by Laurel Dismukes - 2014

Laurel. Art addict.

Shopping is Cheaper than a Therapist

Shopping is Cheaper than a Therapist by laurel-dismukes featured in taylor swift fashion

Not Your Ordinary Pinterest Queen...

We all love Pinterest.  We love to dream in cyberspace, flipping through page after page of stuff that we like, want to do or wish we could do. There are thousands of boards with creative artistry in fashion, crafts and food.  It's fun to put together our wish lists and dreams.

I am one of those that uses Pinterest for revving up the right side of my brain. I pin things that appeal to my senses and that I want to remember.  Most people are like me...we love to look but we don't always follow through.

My daughter is the Pinterest Queen. I say that because she actually makes the things see finds on Pinterest, especially in the yummy deserts and garden art categories.  You can send her a pin of some caramel/chocolaty concoction and it will magically appear on the desert table at a family gathering. But beyond being an excellent baker, she is a crafting genius. I was over at her home and we were enjoying the afternoon sunshine and decided to snap a few photos of her recent Pinterest works of art.

 

Not your Ordinary Pinterest Queen...

Laurel. I want to be her when I grow up.

The essence of indulgence...

"If you make most of your clothes yourself, it's okay to splurge occasionally

 on something more than the little treasures you find at Nasty Goodwill..." 

I told myself that very thing as I wandered around the handbag section at Nordstrom, looking for a little cross-body purse to take to Paris. I rationalized that I had just come from the second floor dressing room where I tried on several pairs of expensive white jeans and left empty handed, defeated.

Fact: White jeans are tough - you know what they say about white making your backside look big. It's true.

Get back to the purse hunt, Laurel.

As I walked slowly around the shelves of leather purses, I found myself wandering where people like me should not go...little rooms off to the side...walls of glass shelves, subtle lighting, handbags displayed like works of art. From across the space I saw this cute little Gucci bag. As adorable as it was - it would be perfect for travel - I silently choked so the saleslady would not notice as I perused the price tag. To make matters worse, I sauntered out and into the Balenciaga space as if I owned the joint.

"Gee, I'm just not finding exactly the right one," I lied. (Do you have anything less than $950, honey, I thought to myself.)

"Perhaps this little Valentino over here", she purred. "I just love your blouse and necklace," stroking my ego.

"Nasty Goodwill, honey," I wanted to say, but I WAS shopping in Nordstrom for a new purse and I HAD asked her for help. And more money, obviously.

Reality check: Step away from the purses! You are in way over your head, Chickie. Changing gears, I thanked her and left Nordies for the great open spaces of the Mall, back on the trail of the white jeans. Hmm...JCPenneys... yeah baby!

And as luck would have it, I scored on a pair of skinny ankle jeans...AND they were on sale!

Coming off the heels of that success, I prepared to leave the Mall, sans new purse. I wandered into Michael Kors on my way out and found nothing. I love his stuff, but nothing really captured my attention. Across the Mall I spotted the Coach store, also on my way out.  What the heck, Laurel...go check it out.

Patrick was more than obliging to show off his handbags (they're not "Purses" there).  I've never bought a Coach bag...never even desired to own one before. As he lovingly petted the soft leather of each little cross-body bag, I could feel myself getting sucked in...

"If you make most of your clothes yourself, it's okay to splurge occasionally

 on something more than the little treasures you find at Nasty Goodwill..."

You can do this...breathe. It wasn't like I hadn't spent that much on a handbag before. It was actually reasonable, as "purses" go. It had the perfect strap and the leather was a yummy buttery tan. Perfection.

"If you make most of your clothes yourself, it's okay to splurge occasionally

 on something more than the little treasures you find at Nasty Goodwill..."

"I've never had a Coach bag", I slobbered.

Every sales person in the store started sighing and purring all at once. I could hear them flitting about, heels clicking on the polished floors, joining Patrick, cooing and ready to pounce!

"Oh then..you MUST have it!" waving his hands gracefully in the air.

 

"If you make most of your clothes yourself, it's okay to splurge occasionally

 on something more than the little treasures you find at Nasty Goodwill..."

Yes, I must!

"And since you are a Coach Newbie, let me just box that up for you!"  Oh Patrick, you smooth talker...

 

"If you make most of your clothes yourself, it's okay to splurge occasionally

 on something more than the little treasures you find at Nasty Goodwill..." 

Laurel. Handbag for Paris - Check!